My puppet friends

Mr Shark and Lion King. My pets.

Goldie, Long Hand, Patrick star,green Nemo,Blue

Greeny,Big Mouth,Jingles,Carebear

Kungfu Panda,Liffy,Minachi,Arnold,Monkey

Wow, pathetic sia... suppose to do revision but was so bored and decided to play with finger puppets. hahax lol!!

Anyway, i'm so not productive these days, haven't got a single work done.

English Oral Next week, 2 more days.

Busy with my Facebook Wars.

Wish all my friends all the best for your 'O' level Mother Tongue Tomorrow!!!

Beautiful lie, perfect denial

How could i have burnt paradise??

I don't want to be sad anymore.
But i want to stay in love with my sorrow.
It is sorrow that taught me my lessons in life.
It is sorrow that i learn how to defend myself.
How could i have let down my guard?
Let myself, fall again and again.
Crippled. I am.
I can't keep myself as well as to keep you too.
The darker side of me is escaping.
Things are going to get much more worse.
Break my fall!!!

This is my Beautiful Lie, my Perfect Denial...

the past.. something that i can't forget

I read somebody's previous blog post.. And almost cried again.
It is about how she decided to let go of him, and how she really felt for that guy before i came into the picture...

At that point of time, she sound determined eventhough now she... but yeah its really hard to let go...i can understand.

And i'm feeling.. should i let go too??Then maybe they can come back together???

I suck!!!

Should i or should i not?? Message him but never reply. Wait until 10pm la...

I don't want to be the one to let go... I promise myself 3 years ago never ever to break other people's heart .

Clumsy for being frozen

You bet, Khairiah, wont be clumsy if she hadn't had a bad day....

Broke another glass again, the sound was piercing, lost my balance... accidentally step on the shattered glass, but luckily, the glass wasn't sharp enough to cut me except for some tiny pieces stucked onto my foot and had to remove them but little cuts here and there. Saw tiny droplets of blood, but didn't care anyway who cares??

Yupp!! Today was the suckiest day of my life. Had some dumb talks, i couldn't care less, use your hand campaign mostly walk around but i still did some work! He say today i attitude, so fine!! The whole day, was finding ways to make it up to him, but nothing seemed to work out well and right... But he was laughing here and there with the girls...

Then meet the parents session supposedly accompany him... then something stupid happen. In just a second, all his messages for me seemed meaningless. It was just a dare, you don't have to do it to that kind of extent. I was angry with you that's why i message you that flirt thing!!! You are not suppose to do it anyway, just because i say you could!!!

Then find solace with a bunch of Sec 1 students play UNO with them, but that too doesn't seem to0 help. Saw him upstairs, look so HAPPY!! Then decided that i can't take it anymore and walked away.

Suppose to go home straight. Feel like running away... Then sit alone at the park then this feline sat beside me licking herself, well at least got "friend"... Anyway felt so damn hurt and numb. I hate it! I hate it so much!! I don't deserve to see that!! Do you know how much hurt i feel?? It feels like lying on a bed of knives!!!!!! So yupp, sat there my face all wet from crying, but who cares?... Went home... nobody at home either. But felt better after crying. So it is my fault, for me being too sensitive and you being so insensitive... The end...

i'm so damn blurr...

Yesterday after eat a Banquet with mom and sis, came back very lazy to update...

Okay... i just woke up... reach home at 3.30pm around there then watch tv with my bro. Then i was so damn sleepy, decided to have a SHORT nap. Then instead i slept for like 3 hours straight. I'm going to have a hard time to sleep back.
I would have continued sleeping if i wasn't reminded of the stupid CLOTH (use your hands campaign) in my sleep!!
ooo yeah then had a nightmare, that bitch was in my dream!! I hate that!! I really hate it!! Super damn hate it!!!!!!!! Am i feeling....errrmm...nevermind...Sian

My day was great because of him too!!! Khalid thanks for that "ghostly" remark... he told me about something saw us, saw me and told me not to look at the mirror so for so long. For your info, as i'm typing i'm looking at a mirror. I'm not really scared of ghost, but i'm conscious that it exist. Everytime i look at the mirror, i'm scared that i'll be looking at another person's face and not mine. And it's like what the toot!! Tonight if i have another nightmare about these things, tomorrow morning i'll find you!!!

New Moon

I'm sooo going to watch New Moon.
I can't wait.
Just watch some of the triailer and its super exciting. hahx

There is an uneasy feeling going on here...

Anyway, just finished doing Physics notes but manage to do up to Unit 5 only. Felt very tired and bored. Continuing on another day. Hope to finish all the notes by 5th June then can start revising again... Have yet to finish my homeworks... Feeling sick and hungry, have not eaten yet... haix...no appetite

I've really got nothing to say. But read some people's blog...

I don't know what i'm feeling right now but it's an uneasy feeling. Very very uneasy. Its a burning feeling...

Anyway got nothing more to say, plus nothing interesting or happy things happened today. so Ciao!!

Enjoying Life

Like i said... i wanted to focus on my studies..
So today i did some a.maths revision. Tiba-tiba macam rajin pulak... Hahaxx

So anyway... we are so funny... Okay okay then...
Its ok. But yeah.. lets try to keep up together.
I cant wait for you. You've got to keep up with me... I'm chasing after something...
They are not gonna get us. Nothing can stop us, not now, i love you!

O yeah... still can't believe how i moved on so fast and not brood over the past.
Actually, almost forget that i injure myself, that i used to be confused about who i am, confused about what i wanted. Neyhh
Hahax... lol. To those who are still brooding about the past... being dumped or failed your exams.. Its ok... Soon you will move on.
So far i think... all those times i spent alone thinking... the one in the park has helped heal my wound. Nice feeling... Nice to have someone that you know will be there for you. Maybe you should too!! hahax...

My friends also has stopped hurting herself and that's nice to know.
So just now in english class sit beside my errhhmm. Then make him and all my friends angry... talked about my hand... some purple dick... then back to class discussion...then about the Changi incident thing, he showed us the video he took. I feel kind of guilty and he knows it. Muahahaxx
Went home alone... maybe tomorrow also...hmm sad siak!!! Takper...

Everynight i hugged my CAREBEAR!!!

FOCUS!!

Haix.. So just now went out with Hariz, Khairil & Shahira. The 4 of us went to Tampines Mall, walk around aimlessly then go Toys R Us play. Hahaxx. SO FUNNN!!
Then went to eat at KFC. Hariz treat me hehexx. Thanks Hariz!
Then go IKEA, Shahira's idea because of BROWNIES!! Thanks eyhh all the way for Brownies. But anyway, still had fun though. Pretend like we own the place. So many ideas...Feel like getting my own house to design. Maybe should play sims2 again! Jalan, duduk, duduk...tidur!!
We kept sitting on every chairs/ sofas/ beds that we see!! Hahaxx

Then someone not happy i go out with them... Everytime ask to go out also don't want... :(

So this morning actually... i've been thinking deeply.
2009 is a very important year for me. Thinking that 2008 was my best year. Thinking about NPCC. Thinking about 'N' & 'O' levels this year.

NPCC Achievements:
2007 Sec 2 Most Outstanding Cadet
Went to NPCC Educational Overeseas Trip to Malaysia. (Damn FUN!!)
2008 Best Trainee Award
2008 Annual Camp Best Group
Then become NCO... Training Wing Posts
2009 Staff Sergeant

Academic Achievements:
2006 8th position in level
2007 3rd position in level
2008 3rd position in level
2009 ???

That's the thing... I want to keep up all the good work i did all these years.
Especially this year for National Exams!!
I mean i've been working all this years getting good results because of one main reason 'N' level!! I want to go to SEC 5 then can stay in NP for one more year...
so... i've got to remain focus and clear about my goals.
I've to prioritise STUDIES.
I don't want all my hard work to go to waste...
After all, this is what i've been waiting for.
One Examination that will define my efforts. The next step to my ambition. I'm getting very close to it. Can't let it SLIP AWAY!!

And one more thing... Should i aim for Station Inspector?? If i get to sec 5 at least i can still wear NP uniform . Then become SI!!

NOthing LAsts foRever..WhY???

From top left: tiara(sis), carebear(Khalid), POOH(Shahira&Rosma), blue bear(mom), SSGT rank, 2nd class, TD silver(NPCC??), necklace(hariz), cup(nurul nadia), Card(Devi & Durga)!! Thanks people!!




HahaXX
22 may @ 11.25am
11x2=22/o5 hahaxx

Sweet memories.
Just came back from SSGT test and am very very very tired. The heat today was very torturing. Hands are all aching.Haixx...Sun burn again...
Got a lot of gifts from my sweet friends. Love them LOADS!!

Yeah back to today!!
Had a lot of fun though tiring. Sad for those who did not get the SSGT and also for those who could not make it for the test today. Only 9 people came, 7 got promoted.
I'm happy but also sad. Its a mixture of both. I'm happy to get SSGT, but sad that some never get and that its probably our last training but many cant come...

It's very hard to let go of something(NPCC) after years of dedication, you put your heart and soul in everything that you do, times you spent with ur fellow mates. Achieving our common goal(UOPA)! Your secondary school life was all about NP! Its very sad that you have to let it go...Eventhough, i may have 1 more year but i really feel damn sore. It's like someone took away my source of life. (what the hell am i saying??) My precious...(gollumn LOTR).LOL
I'm very very i don't how to say. I don't want to leave BOWEN NPCC!!!

sacrificing for a friend is PRICELESS

Heard a lot of people slash themselves. Give them advice it never seem to work.They keep doing.They probably will think... what do you know.. you dont feel how i feel and blabla.
So best solution...try it urself and feel it...like that people more convinced! Right... So i did. I make a deal with my other friends that slash.. to stop it together.. at least the other person doesn't feel as if she's alone facing the problem...Correct?? Whenever she feels like slashing, she can talk to me. Since i already stop for permanent can ask me.. I don't mind.

Turning !6!!

Haha... had a lot of FUN!!!
Thanks everybody for making this day a memorable one.
The cadets were very CUTE!! Hope you guys had FUN too!

So going to make some reflections...
Now that i am 16 people will expect me to be more matured...
Sensible and blabla... the list goes on and on.

Starting a new chapter in my Mad World life! haha
Next time post pictures..

Very very mad world

Thinking about our past...
How much we went through before we got ourselves here.
We fought, then we are friends again.
Want to make US work once more... like we did 3 years ago.
It's never too late, we can make it if we believe.
I don't want to think about what people will say, what that's about to happen or about other people's feelings. It's just about you and me!! =)

Mad world

Mad World (HQ Studio Version) - Adam Lambert

Mad World.

All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places, worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races

Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses

No expression, no expression

Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow

No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funnyI find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles

It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday

And I feel the way that every child should

Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous

No one knew me, no one knew me

Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson

Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles

It's a very, very mad world ... mad world

Enlarging your world

Mad world

Why???

So many questions in my head...
Why?? Why?? Why?? Why???

I feel so damn sad. I don't know what to say..
Is it really all my fault??
Am i to be blame for all this complications??
I think i disappoint you too many times before.
I'm disappointed with myself.
& i don't want to disappoint you anymore.
I'm everybody's disappointment!!
I'm a disappointment to myself!!!!!!!
I messed up my own life!!
Why am i so unfair towards myself and other people around me??
Why is it, of all people you are the one that i hurt the most??
Why??
I think if you didn't know me, you wouldn't have been hurt so much by me.
I'm so sorry!!
I want to be with you...
But, why am i hurting you??
I've just got to get a hold of myself and stop hurting myself and other people.


Aaarrrgghhhhh!!!


I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Days of boredom is about to END!!!

sian...Really damn sian...
I want to go out also cannot!! Sian...
At home nothing to do sia except the persistent haunts of having to do Maths homework. I don't feel like doing it. but i've got nothing better to do.
Cycling... i think i venture the whole Hougang already nothing interesting.
Feel like i'm jailed in these 4 walls!!
Damn stressing sia!!
Shit!!!
Some people everyday also go out!! Never message the whole day except at night. Don't want reply arh!!

At home no FOOD!!! Please someone go restock larh... Watch tv also got nothing... haixx
So happy tomorrow going to school!!!
Bloody hell, people upstairs drilling!! Damn noisy!!!

Jared Leto!!

Damn hot sia!!!!!!

Looking at the Brighter side of LIFE!!

Today... went cycling alone again, wanted to release some tension...
Don't know where i'm headed to but just kept peddling. Then stupid ideas came into mind. Almost got lost but found new interesting places...
Anyway... went to Punggol Park then headed for Hougang Mall but then remembered forgot to sit by the pond at the Park so made a U-turn just for that sake.
But it was worth while. Suddenly felt so lonely.

So i sat by the pond at Punggol Park alone but accompanied by Allah's creation. The pond itself, the sky, the trees it felt like they were watching over me. For all i know, if there is anyone then it would be Allah that love me dearly. That's why all this while He kept me safe wherever i go. As i sat there, watching the pond caught glimpses of fish snapping up some bread... i thought about everything that happened in my life. I know i was born into this world to do something great but for now i have no idea what it is but i'm going to keep moving forward. I'm prepared to make some major sacrifices... I'm ready to face more challenges in life with an open mind no more running away from problems because if there is i'm going to ignore them (does that still counts as running away from problem..ok whatever).

So today i was arguing in my head. I think my thinking 24/7 is a little bit too much. Too much thinking.

Got nothing better to do!!!

Yesterday, after school... he send me home....
At home, hungry no food, guys all go Friday prayers. So I'm all alone.... :(

Decided to go cycling. Then ask Rouhui, where she was... found out NP people all inside NP store so i suggested go meet them outside school and go Hougang Point, ate at KFC. At least now, my stomach is full.
Then go near Jiawei house at the void deck. Play UNO didn't realise it can take damn long to finish one game. Its like you play one UNO game five games of POKER can finish already... its that long!!!
at 7+ go home... but i continue cycling until 9+ help Rouhui find a block. Then after that tired sit at the void deck see people roller blading..noobs.. then bored...go home... My body damn aching...
This morning go jogging... my body more aching... then maybe later in the evening go cycling again. Suddenly so energetic seyhh. At least its healthier than to emo around at home alone!!!
See people... i've changed.

One day... i'm going to try this.
Get into any bus that comes at my first arrival. Decide wherever i want to stop and then drop from the bus get into the next bus that comes and continuosly. Until i realise i'm lost. Walk a few distance to the next nearest bus stop i can find and try to get back home. It would be very interesting. but i'm not going alone. Dragging some of my friends haha... the more the merrier and havoc it will be!!

O yeah... reading back all my books that i wrote in. I used to write poems... philosophies or something like that. To think again some are really nonsense and some are very meaningful. hahax I used to be filled with emotions and thoughts that i often write them down. Now its seldom. but soon going to do it again. I've got to find my old self back, find who i used to be...

Sometimes in this never ending journey
you'll find yourself struggling
through obstacles that often pull you back
you try to find solutions but it was never there
and yet here you are, somewhere you never know

If you let the river pull you along
you lose yourself & if you don't you'll never
understand what you are capable of.
This is where you are challenged.

Sometimes you slipped and you always
have to pull yourself together and when you fall
you grabbed every strand of hope there is
get back to where you first began...
& every time you feel despair and alone...
Think again.
You are not the ONLY ONE !

Yeahhh!!

Yeahhhh!!! Mid-Year Exams are over!!!
But soon to be very disappointed with my results!!! Haixxx

Many things have changed these past few weeks...
I'm happy with him and he's happy with me!!
About that thing also!!

To my dear friends,
Please, please forgive me!! I know i' was wrong to have hurt myself and i admit that it was a stupid thing to do. But a little trust from you guys will really help me kick off that addiction. Just because i saw someone attempting suicide it does not gives me an idea. I'm still sane enough ok to differentiate whats good or bad for me!!! Its a big N-O NO to insanity!!!
If i touch that thing, it doesn't mean i'm going to do it, but whenever i touch it, it reminded me of what i did and my swear never to do it again okayyy. Seriously, i don't care about it anymore. Besides my hand is getting better!!! I'm strong enough to stop!!!

Anyway, found a new hobby... cycling and running to release stress as well as burn fats since SOMEONE said i'm getting fat!!!

I think i'm much more happier than i used to be!! At least i got someone to irritate everyday...hehe and that person is Khalid!! Muahahah

SORRY!!!

Khalid!!!
I'm so sorry!!! Tuesday you will know why.
Help me okays...

Why am i so dumb?? Well i regret it!!! Stoop!!!!
It really hurts... and i want to stop but i cant.
i'm addicted to the pain. And its sick.
I'm out of my mind!!!
I really need your help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Busy & exam Stress!!!

I'm very very busy today.
Had to study for exams... But surprisingly nothing is getting into my head.
i get very tired easily.

Yesterday, watch X-MEN Origins: Wolverine...hehex

Yupp... miss someone too!!!
Can't wait for tuesday!!

Have you ever felt???

Have you ever felt when you really like a person but then you are not meant to be together.
I'm feeling it right now.

But, its time to move on, hope you are happy because i am.
I'm in love again!!! Hahax

I love my Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Relatives, Friends!!!

People!!! Never take these people for granted because NOTHING LASTS FOREVER!!!

BIG DAY

Today is a BIG day for sis.. HAHA congrats to her tak lama lagi dah nak kahwin... i'll take your wardrobe!!! Muahahx

Yesterday, never even study, busy cleaning the house for today's sake. Haixx, so much for study more play less. Its work more study less now...haixx

Actually, yesterday, don't want to message him, but sis says its not good and i should just message him and let him know that my prepaid is low... hmmm even my sis cares!!! hahahahahaha

Anyway... i'm so dead tired for today. i took charge of the kitchen while the rest has their own job scope. The kitchen was in a big mess but thanks to me i clean the whole mess!!! seriously, tiring, had to wash the dishes make sure the place is clean. And so many people were inside the kitchen so had to ask them get out of MY kitchen since i am in-charge...Muahax
But it was all smooth and steady. Yupppie

OO yeah, future brother in-law gave my brother his spare bike.. how nice even with its locker... really nice. THANK YOU!!!

A dying cockroach

Just now, while waiting for my mom, damn bored than stare at a dying cockroach.
You must be wondering, why i'm in such a state... WET MARKET

Okay, yet again, kena chased out again for the sake of other people's safety if not mine. So sit under the hot sun and wait.
Then saw this little creature surrounded by ants and struggling. So i was imagining if i was that cockroach. What would i do? Would i be struggling like it?? Well, my answer would be NO. I mean its like, there is a whole lot of my species out there and what would my existence make any difference so might as well just die larr. Hhhahah.

And at approximately, 9.26 am. The creature's life ended and my phone battery went FLAT -----------------------..... REST IN PEACE!!!

In the morning

Early maybe not so early in the morning at 8 am. had my shower...
Then, someone from outside shouted "Nur (me) nanti ikut mak pergi pasar." So it is then, went to the market with her... Such a filial daughter i am...
Anyway, went to the market in roller blades a great idea!! Increasing the risk of getting into an accident in the WET market!!HAH!!
But had breakfast first, and mom met her friend. I know a lot of friends and kinda know all of their names.
No teenager knows about Mak Chiks more than i do hahax!!!

Yesterday only study chemistry. At night, i was wondering what the hell did i do the whole day? Got chase out and play at arcade?? WOW. O yeah blogging!

Last night, watch CONGKAK at Suria Channel. Freak myself out!!
Actually, i only like the suspense moment, the part that the mother saw the old lady and they reveal her face, but in the end its not that scary but more of very ugly!!
What the hell, is the ghost doing sitting on the kitchen counter??
By the way, a mother's instincts are extraordinary!!

Today aiming to study more and play less. wonder if i can actually do the because it seems impossible now that i am on the computer. Hehex.

Hrmmm

I just read her blog!!!

Wow, lady, if maybe you would read that post again...
I think i deleted the part that i say about slashing. You are not stupid, you are just confused??
I didn't mean it actually, i wasn't thinking you see.
But you know, about that slashing thing it does bother me...
I think its only best if i know that person, i should help right.
I mean you know me and i know you though we are not even close, but you are still an NP cadet and i want to help you.

I think i'm just the next person who's telling you to stop.
But i've got a question.
What does self injury help to solve your problem?
If you are strong enough to let him go, maybe you should also be strong to face your problems.
Everybody has problems, but surely injuring yourself should never be the solution.
You are a girl and i'm also a girl, i know how you felt and maybe i felt it long before you did especially about him.
But then again, it's not like its the end of the world! Right???
This is just an advice its up to you to think for yourself.
And, i don't want us to have a bad relationship okay. PEACE!!

I've got other methods for you to release your stress, if you want to you can meet me, and maybe talk about it??? That is if you want to....

nice??

Haha, just for fun.

I think its nice.

Scroll all the way down!!!

Dear Just-A-Blog

If you are asking me, whether i'm fine then the answer will be no i'm not fine.
Still Sick!!!

However i thought maybe going out with friends for group study, would actually help. So i did.

When out at 10.30 am to meet, Shahira, Rosmawarni, Benjamin and Farah at hougang point, Hariz came later after Friday prayers.
Decided to go Hougang Mall and eat at Long John Silver saw my BROTHER's including the future one haha, then go the Roof Top playground, it was damn hot sia but then we still sat there and sat in a row and study(which of course a lot of distractions such as the damn humid weather!!) then suddenly, a female security guard approach us POLITELY, suggesting that we sat at another place which had more shelter. So caring...

However after going there, we realise we were facing the drain and people playing inside the arcade which obviously not appropriate especially when you are studying and decided to settle at a particular secluded corridor.
Then later, this security guy RUDELY approach us and chase us out giving the reason that we will be blocking the way and blabla but all this while there has only been one staff which came in and out and never complained!!
By the way, it's not like we are making such a havoc there we are studying for goodness sake and you expect us to sit outside which is very HOT and not good for our skin!!!!
That guy really pissed me off MORE!!!
Initially, i was not in a good mood, then suddenly this bugger come only scold us what the hell??
Not just that as we were packing our stuff, he kept rushing us!!
I was like, excuse me are you blind can't you see like we are packing up right now???
My GOD!!!
These people!!!
Lucky he old, like my father's age, if not i tell you i would have quarrelled with him!!!!!!


Anyway, i didn't mean to purposely ignore your message, but like i said i was trying to not message you (so is it still purposely??).
But then, my prepaid is low, so no choice!!
I know you messaged me last night, you actually woke me up from a nightmare and also this morning.
But hey, i thought you needed a break?? So don't want to disturb you. HAhx

So for today's moral of the story..
Ladies has always been much more polite and courteous than man!! Such as the female security guard and the male security guard.

With this i will end my post.