Excruciating

Found out something from someone...

I had to say, i feel very very very confused after hearing it.

A part of me says, why didnt i hear it earlier, another part of me says, i shouldnt have even hear it.

Its a mix of excitement and fear.

I just dont know what to say.

But i have a feeling that something bad is going to happen.

I'm torn apart.

I feel like running away from here.

But if there was anything that prevents me from running then it is the matters of the heart and involving other people.

Yes, indeed i am cornered.

2 sides of walls and 2 people cornering me.

If i to turn away from both people, i will hit face flat onto the wall.

If i went to one of them, the other will collapse.

haiiish....

Someone shouldnt have told me larh...

Now distraction sia...

N levels.....

Must Focus!!!

somebody help me!!

As long as i continue to breathe i am always getting knocked down.

Tired of standing up all over again.

Whats the significance of all this??

Pictures + Raya

I just admire and appreciate these kind of pictures.
More of fantasy, reality and abstract... They are just so whimsical.
It makes me ponder about many many things that most of us just dont have the time to think about in our daily busy lives.
It triggers me to reflect about the day and about my life.
Sometimes i would take the initiative to pen down my thoughts and feelings.
And when i read them back, im thoughtlessly smiling to myself...

Just For Reading

i am sorry if i am not what you expected.



i am sorry if i am not slender or cunning or sticking to the schedule or falling into the precision of appointments and the rules of poetry. i am sorry if i am wringing my fingers dry and running out of paper and bleeding ink through my eyelids. i am sorry if i am butchering words and stitching their bleeding pieces into something i can lie and call beautiful. i am sorry that i can’t stick to your grammar, your syntax, your expectations, your rules. i am sorry, i tried.


i can’t help that i am running barefoot through the grocery store because i forgot my shoes or that i am driving through the fast food drive-through without buying a thing because it at least feels like i’m driving somewhere. i can’t help that i am forgetting to bring you home your medication and sleeping with my back against the grass and tying your requests together to knit a scarf to choke myself with. i can’t help it.


i wish i was different. i wish i was sticking myself in corsets and drawing the strings until i am coherent enough to bring my face out of the water. i wish i wasn’t skipping classes and forgetting to punctuate and writing things that don’t mean a thing at all on the palm of my hand. i wish i wasn’t falling in love with the wrong guy and ignoring the rest and treating my friends like fall leaves under my heel. i wish i was something else.


but i’ll never change the fact that i am a eroding mess, that i have carbonated anxiety bubbling in my arteries, that i am failing where so many before have succeeded. i’ll never change the fact that i am building my dreams on the trembling back of my weak words when i should be taking the brick and stone of an education and a job. i’ll never change the fact that i get lost in dreams without a map because i think a map takes the magic out of everything. i’ll never change.


i will always spend too much time wandering the aisle of book stores because i never feel more alive than when i am running a finger down paper spines. i will always be ten minutes late, two octaves higher than pleasing, incoherent, hopeless, unrealistic and reckless. i will always waste your time, waste my breath, waste everything.


i’m sorry, but i will always run barefoot through wheat fields.


and i will always see a waving sea of amber, not nutrition and paychecks.


i can’t be anything else but what i am.

Its Friday

Went to school...
During PE, ran around the school with Khalid.
Tired sia. Pancit already...
Then slack at Fitness corner talk talk talk.
Then Geography, i did the worksheet given...
A.Maths as always, half way through the class, i sleepy...
Yawwnnn....

After school....
Stayed back during lunch with my buddies!!
I miss my Squad mates and i miss Npcc.
I miss changing into Full-U.
back on track...
Then one by one they go.
Some need to go for ACP while some go Overseas and the rest i dont know...
I was alone, but somehow very lazy to pack up and go, besides i was too engrossed doing my A.Maths homework. Furthermore, i dont feel like going home yet.

At around 3 plus... Out of Bowen...
Then receive a phone call by Dou Heng but it was Priya.
We met up because she also dont feel like going home because of some reasons...
 hahx i know you know... hmmm
Went to have lunch at Mc Donald...
Studied for a while... while chit chatting.
Then Priya saw someone who looked almost exactly as Ms Normala... ahahax
Stayed at McD until 7 plus...
Then headed home.

Oyeah this is so ____.
As soon as i reach home, found out that some relatives were coming.
So had to quickly change into something decent.
And then, mom said she had to get some things for tomorrow's event...
Her friends are coming so... no going out for Raya... sad-ed
At first i hesitate, because very tired mahh, my leg almost get cramps...
But then i gave in, because i was the only young one at home.
No point arguing also.
Lazy to change so i went to Hougang Point in Kebaya and jeans.
Very light  and casual wear also...
Got all the stuffs with brother and Hayati.
Back at home...

Tired.

Quote of the day. "When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

Always All Ways

Specially for someone...

If you realise, there is one part in one of the pictures it wrote "Lostprophets love K."

The K... Its me!! hahaxx

Anyway, today was a typical day.

Except that i was half-awake during Physics Formulae Test, i swear i know that chapter very well. But its just this one very important information that i left out. Must not do this kind of STUPID mistakes!! haiish.. Nvm its just a test... but still i freaking fed up.

I want to go raya!!!

Sad lah...

I love my hair!!

23.09.2009

23.09.2009

Heylo people!!

I found myself pathetic not having any idea to title my post.

"I am just a worthless liar

I am just an imbecile

I will only complicate you

Trust in me

And fall as well"

~The ones in the picture.

Not that i am saying i am one but just saw it and thought it was kind of cool...??

Yeayea anyhow only.

So anyway, since someone busted me and go write on his blog!!

I might just as well admit it.

Yesteday 22.09.2009

I was walking to school...

As soon as i step into school

i was caught!

Bloody Hell!

Still can ask me what happened to my hair.

Like duhh!!

I dyed it.

No lah i walk under the void deck, then someone threw dirty water from upstairs,

then my hair become brown.

Chehh!!

I was so excited to go to school!!

I miss my friends a lot!!

Last Friday never go to school

never see them for 5 days!!

Then i was sent home to dye back my hair.

Some more can say, if can dye back immediately and

return to school...

which idiot will come back sia??

You sent me back might as well stay home and SLEEP right!!??

So yeapps, never go back.

Reach back at home, put my bag down and

lie on the bed until almost 10.

At 2 plus then i dye back my hair! (At 2 school also ended)

And now its pitch black almost blue!!

Kwang kwang kwang!

Just now after school

fight with Khalid over porn??

Think back, very funny sia...

And very lame...??

I think the perfect love is like the

love of the Shingleback Lizard.

Do you know that it took 2 months for the lizard to find their mate?

And when they finally found each other...

They stay faithful and loyal for over 20 years!!

And even in death!

If one of them dies, the other will still stay and look after the

dead one.

It will not find a new mate.

Sometimes human have to learn from animals.

I should be busy right now, and i am busy.

But trying very hard to make it a point to update my blog.

Quote of the day:: 

"The world's not gonna hand you anything if you go around grinning like an idiot."

- Jeff 'Joker' Moreau, Mass Effect

And thats all for today.

Have a great day people!!

Hari Raya??

Oh well...
This year Hari Raya has been sort of hay-wired...

1st day, went out only at 6pm so only managed to go 3 houses.
2nd day, supposedly going out, but then some of our relatives were coming to visit because my father is the 2nd most important person in the family being the 2nd brother. So we had to stayed home.

so yeapps that was my Hari Raya...Pathetic aites??
Probably i'll not be joining the rest for the rest of Hari Raya until i'm done with my 'N's. (sob) ;p

But it was really great to finally having a better understanding of our big big big and real big family.
I mean it when i say its real BIG!!


So lets see if you dont get confused by this.

Lets start with my maternal side::

GrandMa married twice.
One in Malaysia and one in Singapore which is my GrandPa.
The one in Malaysia also married twice, my Grandma is his second wife...
Controversial between my GrandMa and the first wife, so they went separate ways.
My GrandMa left after being harassed and so on with the first wife.

My GrandMa and her first Husband had 2 children.
They are my Aunt and Uncle in Malaysia.
While her first Husband and the First Wife had (i shall say) a few children.
Which meant that the children are my aunt and uncle's step siblings.
So if they had step siblings, i had step aunts and uncles. Am i right??

So when my GrandMa left Malaysia, she married my GrandPa and had 7 children. (counting fingers)
My mother was the last of the seven.
Unfortunately, the second and third child have passed away at a very young age.
Bear in mind, i bear witness of many deaths in my family at a very young age too.
Traumatised?? Not at all. I only understood that they left because God loves them more than we do and He wanted them to return to Him.
Wokays, so back on track...

And both my GrandMa and GrandPa have passed away.
So for those of you who have Grandparents, count yourself lucky and cherish them while they are still alive.
At least you guys still have a lot of memories with them.
Whereas i only have baby memories with my GrandPa. Now its only a blurish flash back.
And I was sort of the replacement of my GrandMa, i was given birth right after GrandMa passed away.
When one goes another will come. Just like that.



Now, my Paternal side::

My Nyayi (GrandMa in Javanese) also married twice.
First one i'm not quite sure yet. But the second one is my Yayii Haji Kayat. A very respected man for his credible Islamic knowledge.
He taught people to read and recite the Quran too.
Proud to be his keponakken (grandchild)!! Eventhough I only knew him from a photograph.

Nyayi had a child with her first Husband.
And then had 5 children with Yayii.
So i have a step uncle who looks so so so so alike my uncles. I almost got shocked looking at him.
In my split-second thoughts i was wondering which uncle he was before i found out from my Romo (Dad) that he was my step uncle. He looks like my oldest uncle to my youngest uncle.
So i guess most of them had their traits from Nyayi??
Kwang kwang kwang

When i thought that i had no grannies at all, i was so DEAD wrong!!
In fact i had!!
In fact its GREATGRANDAUNT!! (She speaks with her javanese accents and we will be catching a train.)
And I almost fall on my knees knowing that.
Then the next most shocking thing is i have Grandaunt and Granduncle who is younger than my parents and i also have Pakciks and Makciks who are wayyyyy younger than me.
Funny huhs how your family rank may not tally with your age.
Kwang kwang kwang

(And i have never had any memories of Nyayi And Yayii.
Both of them passed away in only a difference of one day.
This, a portrait of how strong their love is.
I guess love lives even until death.
May they rest in peace.......)


Besides i am also an Aunt to someone who is wayyyyy older than me...i think??
Because my First step Aunt from my mother's side also married twice, a repetition of history??
She had children which is as old as my mother or perhaps older but my Mom is still considered as their aunt.
See the huge age gap!!!???
So that makes me cousins with Aunt's children which is as almost as old as my Mom...
And so their children are my niece and nephews and i am their aunt and the age gap between us is as thin as a string.

Now i'm scratching my head.
Oh wow, long stretch of decendants.


So in conclusion both my maternal and paternal GrandMa and Nyayi are hot stuff because both of them married twice.
Which means that they must have been very very very chiobu.

And i found out that GrandMa had a taste for Uniform man because her first Husband was a forest ranger always in his uniform while my GrandPa is a Policeman also always looking smart in uniform.
And i think GrandMa and Me we are alike in this part.
I've got to admit i have an eye for uniformed guys. Ooopps.
The other thing is both my GrandPa and Yayii are a very loyal and responsible man taking care of even his step childrens. Noble indeed.

So yeapps indeed my Family is a very very Big Big family!!
Confusing too.
And this is only the draft not yet the other ones that i have yet to meet.


A very long post of a very long history.
We need to do some family tree.

Yea Yea Esok Raya!!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to My Fasting Muslim Friends and Also to those Non-Muslim friends who also fasted with US!!!

Feeeyeeeaaa!!!

Mohon Maaf Zahir Dan Batin To All That I Have

Wronged In The Past.

Enjoy the holidays, and have a great day!

Absent

Hola people!!!

~~~~~~~~

This morning i was absent from school.
Errr, lets just say, i was sick and last night or is it morning? i slept at 3+ am and i overslept.
Phewww, because i only missed 4 periods of A.maths and 2 periods of Geog...
Rosma said, Geog never really do anything much, so not much of a loss.
She and Shahira came to my house to pass a form for me regarding the Sec 5 thingy.
haiishh


Then after that... went to "shop"...
Then do some house chores.
Sweep sweep sweep, mop mop mop and sleep sleep sleep.
Then study for Maths for a while.
Then get really sick and irritated by it.
I find Maths banyak songe.
Very troublesome.
So long-winded.


~~~~~~~~
And Khairul, sorry to say this. Or maybe i'm not sorry at all.
I regard you as a friend, and i find it hard to believe what you have done.
But if there was one word that can describe you now, that will be C.O.W.A.R.D. You are a COWARD!!!!
Do you really  think that sending a "spokesperson"  a girl to talk to her would solve the problem??
One word BULLSHIT!
And.
Are you Kai / Kriz hiding behind a girl??
I dont care who this Sheila Amalin is, for all i know it could probably be a made up character acted by YOU!
And if its true, let me ask this, is Kriz the great _____ hiding behind a girl's name??
And if its not true, you better hide this freaking girl, dont let me hunt her down. Because if i do, neither you nor her will be left undone.
And you might probably think that i dont even know a shit, and you are damn right i dont, but when you started messing around with my friend its equivalent to You messing around with Me.
Let me get this straight to you, i dont give a damn about your stupid and UNREALISTIC problem but you better stop being a coward and face REALITY!!
You can run but you cant hide.
Not when you are living and existing on the surface of this world.
Dont drag others into your messed up life and stop blaming others for your forsakened life.
If there was anyone to be blamed then its only you!
And i thank you for giving me this opportunity to finally having something interesting to blog about. That is YOU!
Till then keep your hands to yourself.
One more time if any one of You lay your finger on my friend i'll make sure that will be the last time you use those filthy hands.
Dont ever under-estimate us because that will be the most grievous mistake.
So long SUCKER!

About the whole previous paragraph.
Probably i'm being too emotional about it.
And I may not be thinking rationally.
But i hope you understand that, you were the very person who told me to help her, and i lived up to it including if its going against you.
I just cant believe that you are going out with someone else when you are having a problem with her. Its RIDICULOUS.
If you cant handle it, let it go. The fact is you are just WEAK.



~~~~~~~~

Free

Actually i AM very LAZY to POST.
Maybe because blogging doesnt excites me anymore like it did the last time.
Perhaps no more blog wars?? teehheee... naughty devil of me. just joking anyway.

I know i havent been blogging like really blog about what happened in the day.
So this is it.
School is fun nowadays because i get to irritate Prabhu.
Seriously, you sound weird with that thing on.
Jason and his forever self theories. He sounded professional but actually whatever he said may be nonsense but probably it does make sense.
Everyone was more happier (??) after the holidays??
I meant everyone looks more cheerful probably SS was out of their head.

My goshh, i havent been doing much of a revision lately.
Not to say neglecting my homeworks too...
Well, how to??
Been busy lately, i am hardly at home or even if i do i cant sit down and study.
Speaking of which, i had tonnes of last minute touch up for Hari Raya.
Woohoo, 2 more days.

Wondering how this year's Raya will be?
Not fun because i have no Grannies to visit. Sad-ed

Today suck like hell.
It really suck!!
But manage to make it up for the rest of the day.
Wnt Geylang with Rosma and Shahira.
We sort of complain about our or me and Shahira's pathetic lives. FIVE!

I'm thinking.
I'm getting weaker by day.
I wonder,
since when did i became such a whiner, cry-baby, and so weak??
So easily touched?
So fragile?
So sensitive?
So breakable?
Where is that young girl i used to be?
So lively and full of life.
Stress free yet so careless.
I guess, nothing is ever going to be the same again.
It never will.

And the damn thing about today is, i had to go to school with that bloody bandage wrapped around my hand.
Idiotic sia...
But anyway i wore it because i have a reason and not for seeking attention.
So it was about yesterday's stupid activity.
Last night it started to swell up.
I had PURPLE hands.
Purple Barney... Purple dick...yeayeayea whatever.
But this afternoon it got better.
Still pain though.
But.
Not as bad as last night.
Thank God.

Oyea... Today...
I cried for a very dumb thing.
Which i really dont have a dumb idea about.
But they say if someone is jealous means that someone likes you a lot,
But really, what someone said affected me a lot.
Was trying really hard to laugh my ass out of the situation.
But instead of laughing i cried more.
I was hoping that laughter would make me forget the reason for those tears.
What Jason Mraz said was right, when you are feeling down you should get up and get dressed up.
And i did.
And i feel much better.

Tomorrow, heart-dead.
Shall not express my feelings.
Keep them in a jar.

The marks on my Hand

Skip whatever happened in school.

Except that...

My condolences to Mrs Chia for the lost of her father.


After school, stay backed and waited for him... for his A.Maths class to end.
Waited with some people... I shall conceal their identities fearing that it may get them into some trouble.
So yeapps and at the mean time....
At first the other girls was having "catfight".
In fact, i dont even know how i got involved.
And it hurts!!
Me and girl H teamed up against girl R and S.
R and S are unlike humans.
One with the nails and the other with inertia.
Pheeww, it was so damn tiring.....
Now my hands are covered with bruises.
Scratch marks and blood.
I feel mutilated.
To think again, even my parents have never hurt me before.
But then i wont take it to that extent personally, perhaps for now, i'll take it as for fun and laughter.
Usually i dont allow people to lay their hands on me.

Next is, they ruin my beautiful skin!!!!
I am especially pissed off because of this.
I swear if, there are permanent marks on my hands i am going to hunt you guys down.
Especially those black thingy.


Oyea, i am not angry at you guys nor am i pleased with you guys.
But i think, years of friendship has made you guys a little too lenient and forgetful.
So let me just remind you guys that, for every little things there still belies a LIMIT.
Cross the limit and you are heading for a dead end.
Seriously if you guys want to fool around or play please be reminded of your limits and stay bounded within it.
Yes i did hit back, but what marks did it left on you guys and what marks did you guys left on me? To compare, yours is not even 10% of mine.
In my opinion all these things are just a little too overboard.
Can you guys stop going around hurting people as you like.
Some may be able to take it but some may not.
And not everyone is the same from time to time.
Stop being TOO PHYSICAL.
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.


Oh well, feel detergent on your bruises.
Its a burning sensation.
Now i cant even lift up heavy stuffs, even my books.
So sorry, dear had to hold my books for me on the way home.
Because someone injure my thumb.!!!

Dah... selamat berbuka!

My fave song

Seether feat Amy Lee : Broken

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me, here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again

I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away

There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

[x2]

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open

And I don't feel like I am strong enough

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away

You don't feel me here anymore

 
 
Kwang kwang kwang... hahax...
My friend reminded me of my once favourite song and forever will be.
I use to listen to this song whenever i am broken.
Its really nice to listen to.
I'm a 24/7 Rocker and Thinker.

Stoned

I dont know why.
But for the past few days i kind of feel lonely.
Missing out a lot.
Being left out.

And i somehow feel very angry and upset at a particular someone, for some stupid reasons.
I'm probably missing that someone that i feel angry with that person.
In fact, i shouldn't feel angry or upset at all.
I wasnt suppose to feel anything.
I was suppose to stone my heart.
Let my heart deteriorate.
But right this moment.
I find it hard to breathe.
My heart feels heavy and so badly hurt.
It feels like someone stab right through it.
Trying hard to ignore it or make it stop.
But the more i try the more painful it is.
And i end up wetting my cheeks.
And the reason for this tears is still unclear.

I dont know what happened.
I make myself busy.
Always finding things to do.
But how come it actually escaped and surfaced?
I failed myself.


Please visit it. Its feeling lonely just like me.
www.hyriah.dragonadopters.com

Where's my maths worksheets??

Anyone!! If my worksheet happens to be with you, please kindly inform me as soon as possible.
I know some of the worksheets are incomplete and i intend to complete it before i hand in.

Shoott!!! I never study... =(
takper2...

Listen to this song!!

Katy Perry- Thinking of You

Yesterday!!

Hmmphh!!

At first went to NTUC for the baking ingredients.
Then next stop Geylang.
...

3 Sisters together.
Went Geylang, to shop for Hari raya clothes.
Our theme colour this year is Purple!!!
But!!! Purple seems like the popular colour.
So many people also wear purple.
So find it hard to get our clothes and find the exact shades of colour with our size.
Better still, you may see some makciks also eyeing on the same clothes. hehex
Not that they cant, but what if you bump into someone wearing the same clothes with a huge age gap.
You must be wondering if that clothes was actually meant for old people. hahahax
Then break fast at KFC...
I'll say our timing was great. Didn't have to wait for so long.
I think by 6.50pm we already had our meals on the table whereas some people were still queuing up to buy.
Then after that met the guys, father and brothers and it was their turn to shop for clothes.
We break record by getting all the clothes in one day. Usually it would take us about 2 days.
Then waited for mom to finish work.
She had a client, so took her quite a long time.
Then nevermind... blablabla.
Mom wanted to get her henna done, so she went to her friend's shop to "support-la".
So okay... then the rest of us went to sit at the nearest coffeeshop...
This is where the fire starts burning.

Factors that caused my blow off!!
1st!!! : The place was bloody damn crowded. That is unavoidable
2nd!! : Very very noisy.
3rd!! : They increase the television's volume.
4th!! : The table beside me was smoking cheap cigarettes. The one that apeks use.
5th!! : We waited for almost 3 hours for mom to finish her henna,
6th!! : We were asked to move out because we were not buying anything anymore.


So yeapps, after that meet mother at the shop.
Oh wow!!! For that bloody 3 hours we were waiting. They were still not done with the henna thing.
I mean how long can it take to do up henna?
So we stood for quite sometime until it was done.
Took a seven-seater taxi home.
And you know what!!!???
The henna was so light that i think it will probably go off in less then 4 days!!
OMG!! Really pissed off sia.


One thing about malay people who do business is, they get greedy easily, makan rasuah, they dont do business properly.
Some, their business idea is good but they dont know how to manage the business so ended up bankrupt, next some are really good in managing the business but was too busy thinking about how much profit they will get and neglect other business factors. So yeapps. These are our Malay Business Minds. Though not all just a few of them.
Look at chinese people with striving businesses even if its a small food shop. They do it whole-heartedly and they dont just think about profit they also think about getting and preserving regular customers and make sure their customers leave with satisfaction. And they keep trying to improve their business. And this is what i call BUSINESS!

So thats it. And one more thing. If my husband wants to smoke, i'll tell him, unless you can afford to buy cigar then dont even think about smoking. Those apek cigarettes really sickening sia.

Reverie

My-o-my... so so so tired...
okays.... so Yesterday was busy busy busy!!!
Baking cookies!! Alright!!
We tried to do some experiments but most of it didn't work so we had to use the old school way. ahahx

I had the most hottest job, i was made to be in-charged of the oven, since the other ladies dont even bother about the oven. They are older than me, but why is it that the younger one have to do the most dangerous job??? haiish
Its not fun sitting infront of the oven... the heat is so unbearable... So i keep moving about, and my legs are tired out... and then every now and then i have to check so that its not overcooked. And then the heat just escapes and you feel like your face is getting roasted. Seriously!
I even had heat blisters on my fingers... geesshh.

Started around 3pm and lasted until 3 am... If only i was PAID!
But somehow someway, i find myself sitting at the computer before resuming my "duties".



Last night chatted with my fellow squad mates... Man!! I MISS THEM A LOT!! And i know they miss me a lot too!!! We seriously have to go out together someday. We need a lot of catching up to do!! =) And you guys really made me laugh my ass out!! Making me miss those times we had!! And Rouhui thanks a lot for always being the one to do up the blog skins and all... and they are all oh-so-pretty!!! On the other hand, they were all so random... i was playing word challenge at facebook that time so i was frequently in and out of the coversations. But the thing is, you were only out for 2 minutes and then when you came back you miss a whole lot of jokes, crap talks and topics. So i was always blur of what they were talking about. One minute they are talking about annual camp, and the next minute they were talking about blogs... the funniest one is when suddenly they talked about 9/11 and then how was Obama going to handle it...  random sia... Once you miss it, there is no repeat telecast. And oya!! Rosma stress and she feels like shouting everywhere. Arggghhhhh!!! Mad women!! hahax


So thats it for now....
Need to do second round of baking session and some shopping to do.
Busy busy!! beee!!!



I have a surprise... for my friends!!



Afiqah, if you somehow sees this. i need to talk to you about something.

Yeah!!!

Yeahh!! My Dragon have already Hatched!!! And its PURPLE.... Reminds me of Barney!!! Neyahaha

Go visit please!!! MY DRAGON!!!
It needs to be visited frequently so that it can grow faster... =) please....

Nazguls~Lord Of The Rings

Вид контроля в человеческом организме

Hello everyone!!!

I'm rotting at home!!

Wanted to go out with my friends and watch movie, but sadly,

that idea was rejected by the elders... (sob) 

So anyways...

Woke up early but lie on the bed until 10+ am

Form of protest.

Then blablabla...

Started to do A. Maths homework, but half way...

got sick of it.

Tired of squeezing my brain.

So took a break.

Yeah!!!

Finally, i got my hands on Need For Speed.

Finally, i'm speeding. haaaaaahh (grinning)

Play for hours!!!

Once you start playing, there is no way you can stop

unless someone, hit you on the head! Or nag at you.

Started a new profile but Bro was going to reformat the computer

so my progress will be gone.

Which means i'll have to replay again...sian/

'Last night watched One Tree Hill on video on the Demand.

Addicted to it.

Wanna watch it!!

But cant unless the rest are present.

Must watch together mahhs.'

"I have always wanted to say something to someone,

but the weird thing is, I have yet to have met this person,

but somehow, deep in my heart,

I believe he was for real,

the one I

always see in my dreams.

My Unintended Love "

Illusions

I feel like i have to say my words. My ears are wide and listening... If you feel pain, i hear it. If you feel lost, i hear it. When you tell me, i know it. Lately, i've been hearing mostly about relationship kind of stuffs. Geeeshh, girls please protect yourself from jerks and useless buffaloes that exist out there, ain't worth it. But then, its still your choice. You can choose to hang on to that guy or just let him go if you have to.

These are my opinion.

Case 001: A beautiful lady stucked with a jackass.

If that guy is being such a jackass!! I see no point in feeling for him. He who ignores your true feelings for him. He who looks at other girls while you are standing right beside him, prepared to stick with him through thick or thin. He who doesn't care for your feelings. He who treats you indifferently from the other girl-friends he had, like as if you are nothing special to him. He who doesn't cherish your presence. He who takes you for granted knowing that you will always stay with him and forgive him. He who takes advantage of you.

For this girl, if there was any guy that truly is meant for you and till death do you guys part, its just not this Him. There may be some good in him, but the bad in him, in my eyes, overshadows his goodness. Not worth your time, your tears and in fact your jealousy.

Case 002: The one with nightmares, Stop wondering who it may be, yes its you!

You! I know you feel a lot for this guy and so-so. The feeling you have for him goes very deep in your heart that you feel that he is everything to you, in life and in death. But wake up!! See reality. My girl, what i see is that this guy ain't good for you. A good guy respects your body, your self-esteem, your feelings and most of all your decisions. When you say no he listens and do not force you to do what you dont want to do. But he... For me, he's a little too overboard. Pushing you around like as if he owns you or you owe him your life. Scolding you for every little mistake you do intentionally or unintentionally. Making you feel so small. I feel like you shouldn't have gave in to him. I feel like you should have left him for good. Regardless of what you think your mission (to help him change) is. All i see is that, here you are trying to help him but on the way you had to sacrifice a lot of yourself for him. It doesnt help anything. You help him, but you need help. He makes your mind filled with distraught and fear. And of course, i'll still do your favour for your sake. I really want you to think this through, probably not right now but after your exams. Okay!! I want to see you happy not worried and always over-thinking.If he is a really really good guy, he won't let you suffer eventhough you may say that you are not suffering.

Calm after Chaos

Today...

i'm feeling a little better than yesterday.

Speaking of which i almost fought with my brother...

Stress i think??

Nowadays, no appetite to eat early in the morning.

Went to school for English Paper.

Many overslept but lucky they weren't late for the paper.

Paper 1 was alrights.

I chose question 6 which was easier for me to answer.

However, the situational writing...

I blurr and went out of ideas.

Paper 2 was more relaxed.

I took my time and didn't rush so that gave me the time to think thoroughly.

Completed the paper and had about 20 minutes left

so i check and re-check and re-check until very sleepy.

I was practically yawning and my stomach was growling.

haiish...

Hmm....

Something surprising happened that caught my attention.

I feel weird about it...

Really weird sia...

Someone of all person said goodluck to me!!!

I was caught offguard larhs.

he actually wave his paper to get my attention.

paiseh sia.

That person never even talk to me before lorhhs...

Not even a hi! or a bye!

hahax...

Anyway, why am i so excited about it??

Thanks anyway!!

Good luck to you too!!

Bleahhh...

oyeapps...

later go Friendster comment him lah. hmmm

Hyriah.dragonadopters.com

Blogger is being such a mothersucking goat!

So anyway, i created a dragonadopter account.
For fun, peace and laughter.
Wanted to post on the blog. But this blogger shit aint going to compromise.
I'm sad!

Wreckage!!

Stay calm from the previous post title and wreckage. See the irony??

A continuition of the earlier post.

Whoohhh!! That is some paper back there.

Oh shit!!!

I'm going gila because of this!!

Am i suppose to be happy that im done with SS??

Or shall i cry blood so that i can retake the paper?

First thing first, to make matters worst, i brought confirmation slip instead of entry proof.

But that too wasnt that bad.

Both the paper are about the same.

But it made me nervous and panicky.

Next is, they started the paper immediately.

I had no time to breathe properly before starting.

So my mind was still hay-wired.

Then upon flipping to the first page and reading the

first question.

My brain was switched off.

Brain-Dead!!

The whole bloody paper was a disaster!!

The questions were foreign to me.

How am i suppose to answer that bloody godzilla question??

Did not complete the paper.

Did i sort of give up??

I think i did.

I lost hope after attempting Qs1 part (d).

Everything went so wrong.

But i still kept on doing.

Now that i know that my SS paper is drenched when it landed in the drain.

And i know that because of my SS my Geog could also be pulled down and prolly

i might just as well flunk my combined humanities.

But then...

Nevertheless i shall put in more effort for my Geog.

But i know i must depend on my back up plan.

Plan Zero option

I must die die pass my A.maths!!

Which means i cant run away from A.maths. 

Its my only lifeline.

And if this too fails.

If not, maybe i'm just not meant for this journey.

             Khairiah!!!

Pray hard you pass!!!

Kita berserah sahaja kepada Allah s.w.t.

Kita redha dengan takdir.

Hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu!!

Dah lah, nak pegi sembahyang ah...

Stay calm!!

I know...

Its about 3 hours from my Social Studies paper.

Believe me, for the past few days everyone was asking why my face was cramped all day.

My head was thinking 24/7.

Frown the whole day.

And i made a mistake.

I wasted my energy having negative thoughts about the paper.

What if...

What if...

I even had insomnia, before lights off, i kept thinking about how to answer

Structured Essay Question.

Can you believe it damn it!!

After breakfast, never sleep, listening to music, but my mind wasn't on it.

So i got up and open my textbooks.

I dont know why im stressing like hell because of this paper.

Scum balls and acid rain!!

I find myself much more productive studying in the morning while listening to music.

Finished studying before 12 noon.

Ended up with nothing to do for the next half of the day.

I resorted to reading a novel.

The Glass Castle.

A great book with very splendid descriptive vocabs.

And new form of vulgarities.

So sat on the sofa half the day and completed the 348 page book in one day.

You may say, i'm a slacker.

This morning did some last minute revision

Scan through everything, make sure i did not leave out any important informations.

But dont need panic eyhs...

But i chose to stop reading and slept again.

But the hours seemed very long.

My killing time schemes ain't working.

My sister adviced me saying that you have to be calm and relax before you sit for the paper.

So here i am.

Not sure if it is a good thing either.

But better than getting nervous and panic.

I have studied so i shall give my best shot.

Even if i didnt do as well as i had expected at least i tried and there is nothing to regret about.

Jiayous!!! To myself!! And Everyone!!

Mom changed starhub to singtel cable tv.

But there isnt educational programmes like Discovery Channel or even Animal Planet.

If there is, i would have taped my head to the tv. 

I find these channels more benefiting than those dramas.