September Begins Tomorrow

Hmmm... what can i say... I feel so pathetic... Someone ain't talking to me... Not that i didn't try, i messaged but no reply... I said bye but never reply... Pathetic me... Yeapps thanks for the ignorance... I'm PERFECTLY fine!! Thanks...
Next will be, I'm awaiting for something great to happen to me.

...

[NEXT]

School was great... Shared CHAMPION for 4A1 girls!!!

We rise from a bunch of reluctant team!!

Good job everyone!! Finally we achieved something for the Class of the Year....haiish

Early in the morning, everyone was having butterflies in their stomach.

So nervous and excited for the event...

While most of us were not so used to frisbee, most of us were also fasting...Doubt we could last.

Even then we planned to play to win instead of play for the sake of playing...

First round we won... by 1-0.

Everybody started to relax thinking that there isn't a second round.

Suddenly we were called up again for second round...phiish

Second round we won again...with 1-0 again...

Menang sipi-sipi aje seyh...hahax

Then for the finals, there weren't enough time so we were given a choice to take part or forgo which will mean we will share the "throne"...

Moreover, everyone pancit already...so we decided to forgo... at least still get something... seyh...

Concert... mostly enjoying ourselves... Great concert... although at some point, it gets kind of boring...

Khalid very funny huhhs... first cheer then realise someone was also dancing he jeered... alamak... lain kali kalau nak cheer tengok-tengok dulu!!! LOL hhmmmm....

Shiok sendiri, kebanyakkan nye!! Ape nak buat...

Hot News!!! Priya finally!!! I know u know we know larhs... ahahx

...

After school, a bunch of aimless people going around slacking at playground... we suffered under the scorching heat...

No rather, we were resting at the playground because most of us was dead tired... We didn't even had a sip of water after the competition. Mak kau!!! Tekak kering!!! Gilerr rabak!!!

Then, at 1.30pm we went to Xinmin Primary School!!! Wahh!!! See most of my old friends!!! It was like a short, unintended reunion!! People that i met... Jun Rong, Gilbert (changed a lot!!), Aidil (still shorter than me), Fadhil (still the same), Luqman (more talkative...i think??), Aiman (sorry eyhs...tak ingat...) and to some others that i met a long the way... my apologies that if i mistaken you for someone else's name and so on... Thousands of apologies!!!

But to think again, i feel very solemn when living the school, its like i left them and move on in life without them... But i'm really hoping that i'll cross roads with these guys in future!!! Miss the old times!! Miss you people!!!

So, at 2 plus we left for Punggol Primary School... i'm not from that school, Rouhui is.

But unfortunately, the gate closes at 1.30pm so we were too late...

Instead we went to Hougang Mall... Slack at the library... for the sake of the air-conditioned room...

It was bloody damn hot outside and we were so damn tired and so we slept at the library... Bagus kan??? hahaxx

Then my leg cramp....too cold....was wearing shorts...phiish

Some of the guys sitting beside us made so much noise that it woke us up... No mood to sleep already lah!!Buat kacau ah!!

Today was like hell for us!!

hmm.... ROSMA!!! We endured!! Scorching heat, thirsty, tired!!! Great temptations to break fast!! But we didnt!! We persevered!! Aren't we proud of ourselves??

Sweet Nightmares. Thunderous Lullabies

My-Oh-My!!

So many things happened  these few days...

And all is so kooky.

Sometimes trivial but yet momentous.

Shahira and Khairul thingy.

Can't believe i was part of it. Haiish

I got a smack for that.

But anyways, Shahira you are so welcomed even though you don't thank me.

By the way, all those acting ain't easy, and its hard pretending about something that is apocryphal.

As well as, good luck with your relationship!!

Right now, i could use some bitch about some stuffs that i am not gratified with.

But no i'll not.

I'm hearing a lot of problems from people.

Sometimes i just wonder why people are amplifying on such small matters??

God gave us a challenge knowing that we can endure it.

God gave us a challenge knowing that we will decipher the meaning behind it.

Take things slowly and inysaallah, the matter will be resolved.

It is feckless to run away from your problems or even hurt yourself.

It is not worth it.

You can even complain about how suckish your life may be, but it won't make any difference.

Life doesn't work out that way.

Life works with a little of patience, endurance and a little intelligence.

Carve your way OUT.

The least would be is YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE!

No, i'm not specifically typing this for a person.

Rather to anyone out there who may be facing some hardcore problems in life right now.

No, its not a burden to me.

Yes, prolly i am in self-denial mode.

But yes, i've something on in my mind right now regarding about it.

I'm thinking of a solution to settle the problem.

Brush it off while it is still easy to remove.

No, i'm not emo-ing anymore, i don't do all those anymore.

If there was anyone who would ask me "If there was anything that i regret the most what would it be?"

My answer would be "I regret hurting myself, i regret for even wanting to try it in the first place and i regret the marks on my wrist."

If someone were to ask me "One thing i would not touch or consume with the intention to hurt myself."

The answer will be "The Penknife and Panadol."

I have regretted, I have suffered the consequences & I have learnt my lesson.

Nevermind, it was so stupid of me also, i should have been smarter and wiser before i even attempted to do such things. Looking at the brighter side, at least i have a better understanding why people do such stuffs, because i've did it myself!! Neyahahx

Well, well, well...

Sweet Nightmares . Thunderous Lullabies

I'm having a battle field at home with some bugger that is trying to kick up my wits!!

Very very absolutely irritating and bloody nuisance.

sabar khai, sabar...

...

Random Me...

SUDDENLY just felt like emo-ing. Like what the hoots??
I find it kind of weird, having no problems... I dont know why... So emo for nothing??
And its always, at the corner of my mind i'm thinking of something. But what is it?? I have no pathetic idea.
To be honest, i always toss aside my incredulous thoughts.

[Last warning, with beeping lights]: what it actually meant...

I don't know if those close to me realise this... Usually at some point of time, you may find me okay and then i'm not okay... Mostly it concerns my level of tolerance. Where at some point of time, i may be tolerant about some things and yet vice versa. Well, i'm thinking that lately my level of tolerance is at its minimal. I almost wanted to shout at my friend for something that she did. Its a good thing that i hold back due to fasting that is. I think my best friend should know this very well, because she always gets it from me. Sorry about that but sometimes you do get to my nerves. I think for the time being, its either some of you dont come near me or dont press the wrong button. Or i might just yell at you for something small. And its better that i dont do any reflections for the day. Because i'll be thinking of what happened and i might just hold grudges on some people.


Fasting really helps me control my emotions and my etiquette.
This morning, i overcomed my selfishness... At first, i didnt want to give it away, but then i think again, she needs it more than i do so i gave in...
Last night, i almost fight with another person in front of the food, but i managed to held back. For the fact that it wasn't worth fighting for and not in the right time.
I heard people quarreling infront of me, and i almost wanted to shout at them, but then i didn't. Instead i talked to them nicely, at least they shut their mouths.

So you get what i mean by my level of tolerance?? I get easily agitated.
And yeapps, don't shout at me, i'm not deaf, and moreover with you shouting at me, it doesnt help the situation. You should be thankful that i just kept quite i could have... until you drop dead.

Tired...

A whole day of non-stop activity...

Well, what can i say... I'm really really tired.

I did so many things and yet, you are always in my mind.

Whenever i stare at nothing, i'm not doing nothing, i'm thinking.

Thinking hard. My head feels like its going to "ka-boom!!" soon!!

So yeahs, in the morning for PE, went to play frisbee...

I realised that i wasnt so bad that i thought i was... Got potential and hope!!

Come on people!! If we die, we die with honour!! Fuuyoo!!

Then so on... haiya... typical larh...

After school, sat at the canteen... Lost for a moment... No idea what to do... almost suggested to go to McD, but i forgot we were fasting. Like what the ??? Idiot!! But doing nothing is tiring!

Then went to the hall. Someone was admiring someone. I know you know who we know.

Then went to np store, also same thing, did nothing... Like what the ??? rite...

But thanks to one cadet, i was not so jobless. Hahax

He was feeling unwell, and so i took a ride in Mrs Li's car and sent him home. Gerek!!!

Pity him, he was vomitting like one of a kind.

And, I also told him, that i can be his sister and that he can always confide in me.

And yes, i pulled a boy with his collar and pushed him away...

And i think he deserves it.

He actually wanted to push that sick cadet while he was with me. Like hell NO!!! Not when i am around...

I'm so sick of this childish bully acts. Seriously!! Cant stand it!! Gets on my nerves.

Lucky i stand up for that boy. hehex...

I'm born with it. I fight for the weak. Yeahh!!

Well yes!! I did it!! =)

hahahx... you must be wondering what was it that i did??
Well, i actually talked to him, without asking one question.
That question was, Who were you meeting?
Hey you, did you realised that??
So still think i'm possessive?? hmmph!!

This, ME, is the product of your work.
I'm an observant person, i learn from every reaction i get from you, i mark all your words especially when you describe me, i take them in and i use it to improve myself.
You once said, i was boyish... now, am i still boyish?? No
You once said, i was too jealous... now, am i often jealous?? No
You also once said i was possessive... now i let you at ease, i gave you some more space... So the answer is No. Besides i never was.
You also said i was over-sensitive... now, i'm going to do something about it...
But dont you see, what you are doing to me??
If this continues, i might as well be a poker face. (check the dictionary, if you dont get what i mean)
In the end, i dont feel anything.
A result of shunning my thoughts and feelings, so that we dont fight.
And you make it sound like, i dont meet the criteria of the girl you prefer.
You always say, i dont like this and that kind of girl and blablabla....
Sometimes i feel like, whatever la you know!!!
I might as well just dont give a damn, which is what i have been doing lately. But you dont seem happy about it.

[Last warning, with beeping red lights]

Human Vs Inhuman

My mind is in a whirl now.

Fever!

So nevermind anyway, during english lesson, we had to do group presentation. Actually, i wasn't feeling well already that time, but i had no choice, so i had to become the reader and present it to the class because "some" people in the group was unco-operative, labelled "freeloader"...Guess who la... I complained about him in my previous post...hehex

So i endured all the way until it ended.

Then after english class, the temperature shot up.
My hands started to shiver and it was numb.
So i laid my head on the table...Rested for a while...
Then i was okay on and off.
But for the rest of the day, i cant concentrate on anything.
Total lost of focus!!!


Oyeah, on my way home. i saw this cat and it was...abused.
I had no doubt that some bloody dumb inhuman ass shaved that cat!!
From its head to the stomach area, it was badly shaven...
My heart aches seeing it.

[STOP ANIMAL ABUSE!]

Oh my gosh lah!!! There's a reason why God created humans with intelligence!! It is to enable us to differentiate between right and wrong with good and bad. For Heaven's sake, what the hell did that cat did to deserve such treatment?? Even if it was a nusiance, its an animal!!! They dont know a thing!! So pardon them!! You dont have to be like an animal to do some paybacks do you?? Inhuman!!!

My leg...it hurts...wakaka

haix... after break-fast, see got difference between breakfast and break fast horhh!!
Went to the mosque...
Its a 10-15 mins walk from my house (depending on your speed).
To think again...it was like an exercise after eating.
To think again...its very far...And i almost sprained my ankle.
To think again...that slipper is useless
To think again...that slipper doesnt protect my foot.
To think again... i should get a new one.
To think again... when will that be??
To think again... its not really that important.
To think again... i actually endured all the way throughout the prayers.
To think again... i actually almost wanted to stop halfway.
To think again... i didnt instead we stop at 4 times.
To think again... its already 11.02 now, my brother is not back home yet.
To think again... its already 11.02.42  now, and he's back. Speaking of the *****!!
To think again... you are actually reading my thoughts.
To think again... you probably think that i am over-thinking.
To think again... yeahhs, probably you are right.
To think again... i think i had enough of thinking.
To think again... if i sprained my ankle...wouldn't it be nice??

once beaten, twice shy

Believe it, i had everything sentenced in my mind...But now everything is gone...alamak...so leceh...

Okays... school was alright...
Assembly was about cyber bullying...didnt know our school had a major case, that girl must be something with so much guts or maybe cowardice...But just one opinion... this is what i call, "kecik-kecik tak nak mampus, dah besar menyusahkan orang!". Just because of that one particular kid that you so called "hate" or perhaps "envied" you created trouble for your parents!! People!! Please think before you do anything!!

...

We had 4 periods of english class because maths class was replaced with english,  felt weird never see Ms Normala for one day...hahax!!

...

Then, i want to complain, that chinese boy sitting opposite me during groupwork... I dont know whether you know that i'm fasting, but please do me a favour stop being such a nuisance and a nuthead!!. You are testing my patience! I'm keeping cool because i was fasting, so dont test me!!

...

After school, went to pray at the Mosque with Nurul Nadia and the weather was oh-my-god!!
My throat went all dry after that...but nevermind...these are all the challenges that i'm facing.

...

When i returned, someone asked me a question which i think was weird... the person sucking a lollipop...For that person, i'm writing this for you:::
Yaws!!! Dont worry i dont, dont like you... hey come on!! I wont hate a person for a small misunderstanding...I'm sure you know that. Anyway, you weren't at fault. In fact no one is, it was just a misunderstanding that could be avoided. And i hope that we learnt from this incident. Besides you guys dont really believe that i was going to pump you guys did you? Or even telling that to a sec 1 girl about that and really mean it?? Besides we should be professional. Alrights?? Thats why, dont be so naive...dont believe everything that a third party has to say. And for that i'm cool with you. =) Anyways, for that third party, i think you know where you are at minor fault. But!! I forgive you! So in future, please dont do all this sabo thingy!! THANKS!! It doesnt reflect you well either. It makes it hard for people to trust you with anything. Okays!!??

...

Perhaps it is my fault for being an over-sensitive, unreasonable scum!!
You may think that i probably dont trust you.
That is true. I dont trust you. The reason being, you broke it not long ago. Forgot about it?? I can remind you later on. Its still crystal clear in my mind with an aerial view.
So its because of that very incident that i find it really really really very hard to trust you.
Like they say, "Trust is like a vase, once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be the same again."... So pardon me if you think i'm too suspicious of you. You cant blame me for that either, no one can blame another person for not trusting them. Right?? If you agree, you can tag!! =)

...

So that's up!! Break fast soon!!

I chose to keep silence

I chose to keep my silence because i have my reasons.
And i know somehow, no matter how hard i try to explain it to you, you can never understand it.
Because the fact is, you still dont know much about me.
You think you know me, but actually you dont. The same goes with me, i think i know you, but actually i dont.

...

if you know

I dont understand why i'm having this...
For the whole day, i've been checking my phone...hoping that someone's name will appear.
And i get all frustrated if it wasnt him.
I've been battling with the thought of messaging him.
Should i start it first or shall i wait for him to start it first??
My drafts are full, because i keep canceling the thought of sending the message.
Wondering if he knows that i'm pissed off with him.
That i dont feel like talking to him.
But the silence seems to get deeper.
Keep thinking of what i'm suppose to do next.
How shall i react at the sight of him.
Act as if i'm angry or just smile back or totally ignore him.

Okay...i sound like im thrashing around with this. {I'm HEARTLESS REMEMBER??}
I just dont ________________ anymore.
I'm finding the [\EXIT/] so dont worry...off any soon now and you are free to fly and suck the nectars of others. I just get easily irritated nowadays... Yupp, she's pretty and yupp, WHATEVER!! Dont speak, because i dont want to hear any of it.

You can sulk or brood about it, but i still wont give any hoots about it!

I'm Stupid

Because i'm stupid by SS501:::::::

Because i'm so foolish, i know only you
You who are looking at someone else,
You probably dont know my heart
There is no me in your day,
probably not even in your memories
But i'm looking at you as my tears continue to fall
I'm happy with looking at your back figure
Though you still dont know my heart
Though at the end, you'll just brush past me
The days that i miss you so much
The days when it's too hard to bear
The words "I love you" are dancing on my lips
Once again, alone, crying for you
Once again, alone, missing for you
Baby i love you, i'm waiting for you
There is no me in your day,
probably not even in your memories
But i'm looking at only you, making memories by myself
To me, love is like a beautiful wound
Eventhough i see your pretty smile, i cant smile with you
The days that i miss you so much
The days when it's too hard to bear
The words "I miss you" are dancing on my lips
Once again, alone, crying for you
Once again, alone, missing for you
Baby i love you, i'm waiting for you
Bye bye, never say goodbye
Though i cant hold onto you
I need you, i cant say anything else
I want you, i'll wish and wish again
The days that i miss you so much
The days when it's too hard to bear
The words "I love you" are dancing on my lips
Once again, alone, crying for you
The days when you fill up my thoughts
The days when my heart grows cold and im sad
The words "I miss you" are dancing on my lips
Once again, alone, crying for you
Once again, alone, missing for you
Baby i love you, i'm waiting for you

No Mood!!

Haiish...
Slept late but woke very early!!
Still tired...
My insomnia...cant sleep well.
deehheee...
Saw a bunch of mentos and ferero rocher on the table... who the heck place it there??
Almost had the thought of eating it...oughoh

Studied for a few hours...
Then felt the urged to on the computer...
So here i am...
alamak...
Very hard to study nowadays...
Dont know how or from where to start...
My papers are like everywhere...
I dont even know where my files is...
alamak...
Dead end...
But nevermind, did the ten year series...
Funny, identical question but different answers...so which is correct?
Did higher malay paper... My head want to blow up already... Why is is so difficult and troublesome?? Did only paper 2 not sure whether need to do paper 1. Because if need, i die on the spot. Very lazy to write essays...feehehex

:::end of morning

A day has Past! Lived it well?

Heylo everyone!!!

So, its 22nd August 2009...
1st day of Ramadhan!!
Last night never slept until 2.30 am... slept at the sofa anyway, about 4 plus woke up for breakfast but half dead so didn't eat or drank much.
Rosma!! I also slept late but i woke up at 9!! hahax
Anyway i was joking only larh last night... (She was bored so she chatted with me, but i was watching drama "emo-ing", i had to tell her that she was disturbing me and i asked her to main jauh-jauh... but she's cool with it..right??)

Kaylah, met them at 11 because someone overslept! hahx
But still end up i was the last to arrive! hehx
Zoomed to Tampines, but someone anyhow change plan. But its okay, its alright, kesiannyer pasal aku ikutkan aje. Went to Kambing's void deck, then at 2pm we headed for Tampines Library. Quite crowded, so we occupied a corner and did our homework and revision. I wanted to go home earlier so about 4 we left.
Reach home around 5 plus, stomach growling so ape lagi tidur!!! muahahax!! Hibernating.
At 6 woke up, watch drama again until break fast!!
Sorry to mummy,never help her cook, but she already had enough manpower, kitchen too crowded liao hahax.

At first, very lazy to go Mosque go for tarawih...but am grateful that i went...
It was tiring, but the satisfaction overcomed it!!
Then listen to the preach by dont know which Ustaz...but the topic was cool.
It made me reflect on myself...
Eventhough i was staring on the carpet but the chain of words by the Ustaz was running in my mind.
I thought to myself, what type of Muslim am i?
Modern Muslim, behave like a muslim?
Modern, but doesnt even bother about Islam?
haiish...
Then i remembered my main purpose and goal at the beginning of the Year.
It was to be GooD,
One of them was to be a good muslim!!
Then i reflected all this while, what have i done?
Is slashing my wrist being a good muslim?
Islam taught us not to hurt others so, what more ourselves?
And all those things that i've done. Does it reflect me as a muslim?
I almost cried thinking about it.
Its never too late to repent and so that is what i am going to do from now on.
I still dont have an idea about what i am going to do...Perhaps a spiritual journey?? hahaxx
Grateful that i realised it now then later...


...

Suddenly i feel like my shoulders are feeling the burden of my responsibilties.
In the morning, talked with mother about my results and stuffs...
She wanted me to become a Policewomen, as always, she wanted me to stick with that and i have no intention of changing it either.She's right about me,being comfortable in that kind of job. Besides i have great interest and passion in it. We discussed about the path i should take. So die die must take 'O' level. Regardless of its outcome.
So MUM, i'll make sure your wish will come true! For DAD too!!For Myself too!! AND!!
I realise i should also be a good role model especially being a Ustazah's sister. I have to protect the family's name and all. This is not just about me but about them too.
I'm responsible for my actions and of my brother. I need to help him, help himself!
So probably after this i wont have any time for others.
No time to worry about small stuffs and all.
Yes, i have changed. People do because it was about time.
Its my destiny.
...
Just feel like saying it.
1st sis has a great job... Saw her peminat setia just now at the mosque. That kid really loves her. Remembered she was the one who was very excited when my sis got engaged, lol.


...
I want to go for blood donation again!! =)

...
10 years from now,
5 siblings, working!!
Fuuyoo!!
1st sis, teacher..
1st bro, aerospace engineer?
2nd sis, stll no idea what she wants to be??
Me, SPF??
Lil' brother, commando??

bahahx...Big dreams!!
Jiayou everybody...Lets head to that direction!

Phehehxx

Got my Prelims results and am very satisfied with it!!
Scored less than 19 points which is about 7-8!! my Single-digit!! Neyahahaxx

I'm feeling happy thats all!!
So after school, went to McD for lunch with Priya, Rosma and Shahira.
Then back to school again...
Met Huda and all... but because i was bored... Just went down to see how was the training... interfere once in a while...I kept forgetting that they are Sec 1 and not Sec 3... I tekan them like i tekan Sec 3..haiishh...
The new TO cool seyh!!
Havent seen one like her..
Like super legendary kind of Mdm!! Great!!
Looks like the one who loves to tekan cadets.
Like ME!!

Okay FINE!! I skip tarawih today okay... But i'll try to go for tomorrow!!

Oyeah!! To all Muslims out there happy fasting month!! Jia You!! We will make it with God's grace!!

A piece of advice take it or leave it

What doesnt breaks me, only makes me stronger.
Like a pottery.
Stepped on, rolled on , carved on and blablabla. (cant remember)
And heated at 1300 degrees...
When dropped i dont shatter.
Stronger than ever!!!
Swoosh!! lame lah...
a post full of lames!!
waste time...bahahaxxx

And yet again more lames here...
Think! Before you act. If its an accident its not too late to mend it back.
Take a thread and sow it back.. It may not be perfectly the same but its better than nothing. Correct??

And then... i have also had that thought of walking out too.
But then... how long can i withstand the coldness of the world outside without the embrace of warmth from family and home??
Just breathe in and calm down...
I know sometimes mothers can be of a little nag...
But that just shows how much they care for you...
Though sometimes their words are very harsh and insensitive...
Dont take it to heart, try to understand that they are probably having a hard time on their side too...
The least you can do is swallow bitterly whatever they say.
Chill and relax and dont take it out on yourself.


PEACE!!

Twilight

Now seriously people, dont be naive and believe everything that is written here or dont even think that i might actually be talking about you. Because the chances of that happening is 0.005%


Left click and scroll down...

As I lie under the starry sky...
Thinking of what it is to be me.
Events that happened that makes me tongue-tied
Events whirling right before me that stupefy me.
Events that will happen that makes me nomadic.
What was meant to be and will be.
What was not meant to be and will never be.
And in my stupor, i just dont see your name penned in my life.
I just cant feign that we were meant for this.
None of us was ready for it.


I shall repeat again, dont think that i am actually talking about you.

Nothing can describe how exultant i am about my results...
I'm aiming for a single-digit point for my sec 5 criteria... ELMB3<19 points...
I failed only one subject which was the subject i dread the most A. Maths...
And the rest was in a range of B3 and A1... hehhexx
So i'm irrefutable about that.
I'm excited to get my Report Book tomorrow!!

And congratulations to everyone who manage to pass their papers.

Oyeah to those taking their 'O' Level oral, Good Luck!!


And yeah... my hand... it felt weirdly cold the whole day.
Numb...
At least the swelling have sudsided...
And i LOVE THE Bandage!! Its GREEN!!!
Green with envy with blue dinosaurs... Cute right???muahahaxx
Going to keep it!!! Neyahaha!!

A Blood Donor

Hehex... hmm...
I'm feeling Great!!! Because i did a good deed!!

So yeapps, the four of us, Rosma, Shahira and Nurul headed to HSA...
Settled in and fill in the lengthy forms... All the weird questions...
They even asked whether you had sex before... and blabla... haiish... Almost got irritated...

hahax.... so there were four of us but it ended up i was the only one who went through it. The three others was "rejected". Lols... was bored...
Actually the whole process was not painful except that in the beginning... i accidentally shouted when the nurse suddenly prick my finger...no warning seyh...
All the nurses there were very friendly and it made my day... especially going through it alone...haiish
Saw My BLOOD!!!!! A bag of it!! ahahax...sadist sia...


Then, on our way to HSA...whoaah saw this tall handsome guy sia... but his body was full of tattoos...but still cute though...guess i like bad boys...just joking
And then at HSA saw this malay guy cute also seyh moreover he was just opposite me sia... i looked at him and i saw him like touching the needles all those i was wondering not pain meyh??
maybe its not his first time...hahax...and when i see him all the pain just gone...pooff!! but he went off earlier... then chat with the nurses...fun siol...
then going home that time in the bus wah seyh one auntie accidentally hit my face sia... hahax... to that auntie, thanks for adding more pain!! thanks a lot!!

So yeapps thats all... feeling weak now... and i'm tired...dozing off soon

Have You Ever Thought About it??

Okay, before you read this post. I forewarn you that its content is the product of overthinking. It may affect you in some way, but the contents is perchance fictional and does not resembles anyone even if it is its purely coincidental.


Lately, i've been thinking a lot or perhaps too much that some may call it that i've probably changed my point of view and perceptions.
Thoughts that flows in me like water falling from great heights. That when it plunges it created a domino effect.

I dont know what came to me, but definitely it triggered the shot and the bullet bolt through my head.
But i've got a problem. I dont know where or how to start.

...

So lets just begin with love.
And lets maintain it to love in my level.

Some lifeless souls out there are making love a disgusting game.
And not refering to anyone, hearing stories of back stabbing and cheating on partners is inevitably causing rage in me.
Pardon me for speaking up my mind, if flirting behind their back is already a deadly pill than what makes snogging??? An Explosive Bomb?? A Time fuse??
It really disgust me so much that i'm thinking how such a low life they are.
A love game??
Expectations??
Disappointments??
Making the 3 SPECIAL WORDS into 3 MEANINGLESS WORDS.
Since it flows out of their lips so easily it exits the same way...
And especially guys who cheat their girlfriends?? What are you expecting from them?? And when you dont get it, do you find any possible means to get it even if it counts for being a dirty player?? If i were her i would be devastated!! And to those girls that you flirt with? Is seeking affection from them a modest reason?? Or toying around with their feelings gives you amusement?? Girls have feelings just like you so spare a thought for them. Dont make them cling onto you for so long. They are humans not puppets.
It may sound bias but i'm merely standing up for them.
Though its not in toto a guy's fault.
Why do girls make having a relationship something that is de rigueur??
Sacrificing their time and love for one guy that has never or will never solicitude???
Think! One life full of love dont corner yourself with only one.
Indeed, i've realised how extrinsic relationship is when you are still studying...
Though honestly speaking i do have my personal problem regarding this, its a message to all out there, dont do what i did...Its still early for you guys though my time is running out...

And then other than love.
I thought about life.
How lucky can someone be? Miracle? A good person?

Everyone knows that no one is perfect.
Even the rich has their weakness excluding the fact that they are loaded.
The poor and their everyday challenges to maintain.
And onwards...

Some being ungrateful and inappreciative of what they have. And so on...
Thinking of what i lack. No rather, thinking of what have i done??

The reasons for why i changed ever since i knew him.
The reasons for why i accept the delusions and not steer away from it.
The reasons for why i didnt locomote.
The reasons for why my lips lied.

I have to maneuver.
A Good Person. A Good Life.
I dont want to miss that hope.


...

I watched all 25 episodes of Boys Over Flowers in 2 nights and 1 day.
Not enough sleep. (yawn)

hahahx Laughing Out Loud

Okays... just watch Drag Queen... Hahax...very very funny... I almost suffocated laughing... Destressing.

Okays... heard the two songs that Teddy dedicated for me.
First song, the english song...its a very long long song by The Godfathers heard of them before but never really paid attention to it... I'm sorry do i speak too loudly??
Second song, the malay song...i'm touched...so which one am i?? just joking. Are you in that kind of position??

Hmmmph... what more can i say.
My heart speaks the most weird language ever. That even i cant understand...
well well well...
Teddy Bear...

Anyway today was Physics and Amaths...
Huhhs... Physics there were a lot of trick questions... shoot!! i got tricked!!
Amaths...i signed the contract to fail amaths...so yeapps...paper 1 is a goner so is paper 2 too!!

Today...after papers went home with him...
He talked a lot about his past which actually makes me understand him better...And i really think he did changed a lot...for me?? Though his past were sort of hurtful at some point but i...just deny those points but believe those that i want to hear...muahahx

Tomorrow is Chemistry and amaths again...
A lot is going on in my mind... i havent study much yet...

McD Slackers!!

Hellow people!!
Firstly, i didn't know i had followers of my blog...
For that i shall post.

I'll try to make my day sound interesting even if its a little boring...
Didn't go to school today because i dont have any papers. But woke up early though...
Studied physics for a while before heading for McD at 12...
Met up with Shahira and Rosma to "study"...

Rosma, was very weird today...
Can you believe it??? She actually said NO to FREE FOOD!!!! FREE FOOD!!!!
I see, she's on a diet... which is not working whenever we are around... She ate Double Cheeseburger and Sundae!!! Which is not that bad because i know she can actually eat more that that... ahhax!!!

So yeapps... believe me we stayed there for almost 8 hours!!
And we studied!! And we drew!! And we bought some stuffs!! And we read!! And we talk!!Except for someone who is always with her phone which of course make me jealous because he wont message me!! Bored!!!

Then after that went NTUC with mummy and daddy!! Its been very very long since we shop together... Miss those times... hahax

LoVe LiFe!!
Saw a picture of my hand in Shahira's phone...
It was my slashed-hands that Shahira smacked and it was damn bloody red...
I remembered those whirling times... when storm kept coming and not even a ray of sun light entered into my world... harsh days... remembered crying a lot of times...felt pity for that last time hyriah...but anyway the new hyriah is so much better!!! Happy!! Happy always!! No more hurting intentions!

Anyway i'm excited for the blood donation thingy this Friday!! I'm donating my BLOOD!!! Fuuyoo!!!
But i'm scared of needles...even though i've been poked many many times...
Every beginning of the year i'm always suspected for dengue fever...Then they took my blood and all... Since sec 1!!! And i hate it!! Still trauma... But yeah whatever!! doing it for a good purpose!

Stress!!!

Bang Bang Shoot 'em up, Yeah!!!

Prelims is such a headache.
Being sick all those just makes matters worse.

3 subjects left,
Physics: Bloody bloody formulaes!!
Chemistry: Complicated chemical equations
A.Maths: Horrific Nightmare. (Lost in the world of spiraling formulas and numbers)

I LOVE MUSIC!! NO DOUBT!!

I'm being such a weak frail idiotic lady!
Can someone just slap ME??
This reminds me that i havent got scolded by my parents for a very long time... Miss all those nags...hhmmm

I dont want to Miss A Thing

I know... this song is so outdated and blabla...
Just felt like listening to it...

Undefined emotions lurking around me.
Hasty and Nasty.

Does the song sounds familiar to you?

FCUK Blogger!!

FIRST!!! I cant even change my fonts or even colour without any inconvenience!!
SECOND!! I cant even change my blog skin!!
THIRD!!! I cant edit my elements!!
FOURTH!! I cant change my title!!
FIFTH!!! I cant...do anything in Blog anymore!!

Yesterday and today will be the last post about someone...Really...i think...haiissh

Me Trapped In A Box As Always.
Knock knock who's out there?



I'm still blogging despite being sick.
I've got a slight fever of 37.5 degrees.
Coughing macam setengah maut.

Bye...
I need to rest.

Happy National Day People!!! In SCHOOL!!!

We are Singapore, Singaporeans.
One people, One nation, One Singapore!!

Came to school early, because met up with Rosma at the Bubble Tea Shop at 7.15.
Interact with the parade contingent.
Help Mrs Li do some stuffs.

Then took photos like nobody's business.
walking everywhere...hehex
Parade was great except for some tiny mistakes here and there.

Then the concert was quite okay.
I enjoyed the Bowen Version of Dont Forget The Lyrics.
Sat with the UG Leaders... Hyper all the time. hahaxx
Then joined the Sec 3s, they were super mad and all...
enjoyed myself very much.
Singing along until i almost lost my voice..muahhax

Then off to AMK with my squad mates...
hahax...a group of aimless people with no purpose of going there to eat at McD. That was initially...
Then finish eating, isaac came but went off again with Shafiq.
Then we were deciding whether to watch movie or not.
In the end we watched UP!!
But had to spend hours of patient testing. Though i slept most of the time..Neyhahah
UP!!!Up!! uP! ANd AwAy!!
Its super cute and very hilarious!!
Rosma laughing loudly like nobody's business hhahx... but its because of her that i managed to make myself laugh..L0L
Recommended to watch!! hahax
Then in the bus!! Rosma's chocolate can finally be consumed!! It solidified!! MIraCle!!

Sorry A Million Times

If you(to a specific person only) are reading this,you dont have to say that you are sorry.
I've heard it like a million times, but whenever i forgive you, you just took it for granted. And then we are back to square one. Over and over again... Like there is no way out...
And i hope that the 10 things that i told you, will help you think it through...

.....

Nowadays, going home from school is a dread.
No one is with me. I walk alone.
It just brings back a lot of memories...A whole chunk of them.
5 months of on and off.
The paths we took, the places we go, the things we did & the stuffs we talked about.
Everything comes back.
Sometimes i just wish there is another route i could take.
And those moments still plays in my mind.
When i look at these places i just want to ...
And now everything is burning into ashes. Pooff, just like that.
Now all i can see is a burning flame in my eyes.
I even imagined the carebear in flames. Owwow.. havent hug it for so long.
I think its better if i keep it in my wardrobe. Should i??

.....

I have to adjust my mindset of you.
Must not think that you are my boyfriend or were my boyfriend...
Must think that you are my b_____.
God knows how much i hate this!!!!!!!!!!!

.....

Calling me sister is like as if you ............!!
Forget it!
Its your lost anyway.

You just wasted a good person like ME!!!
Someone who is willing to forgive you, eventhough you keep repeating your mistakes.
Someone who is willing to stand up for you, eventhough sometimes you may be in the wrong.
Someone who is willing to listen to your problems.
Someone who is willing to spent time with you.
Someone who is willing to accompany you through ups and downs.
Someone who is willing to tolerate your nonsense.
And the rest you should know well.

It is just a PITY!
You should have think it through properly.

.....

Now off you go to your new "girl" friend.
Have lots of fun and enjoy messaging all those dumb girls.
After saying all this i really hope you will hate me. So i can be neither your sister nor a friend. =) I feel so relieve saying all this!!! WoowWwW!!!
And if you really know me.
You'll know which one said all these. =)

.....

you almost always pick the best times
to drop the worst lines
you almost made me cry again this time
another false alarm
red flashing lights
well this time I'm not going to watch myself die
I think I made it a game to play your game
and let myself cry
I buried myself alive on the inside
so I could shut you out
and let you go away for a long time

I guess it's ok I puked the day away
I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way
and if you want me back
you're gonna have to ask
nicer than that

I think the chain broke away
and I felt it the day that I had my own time
I took advantage of myself and felt fine
but it was worth the night
I caught an early flight and I made it home

IF...

If i'm caught in the middle, i know it will be the end of me.

I beg you please dont smile at me. It will melt my heart. And i may not be able to make it through.
Dont say that you regret. I'll feel much more worse. Worser than you can ever imagine..
I tried to avoid him, yes i did...but he smiled at me... So i quickly turn away.

Social Studies today, lucky for me, i studied Mr Chua's note. Was able to answer the essay but spent too much time on it that i didnt make it on time to answer SBQ part d and e. alamak...my hand aches
Then it was Mathematics...though never really studied much but fortunately it was easy. Because it was N level, cannot expect the same kind of standard for O level Mathematics. haiish...

Went home with Rosma and Shahira, ate at KFC. And then here i am using Shahira's computer to blog. Her computer is so lag!! I'm not used to it...hahax but thanks anyway... =)
And then we watched Bollywood! It was so emotional. At least it made me forget everything at that point of time. Munching on snacks and all. My tooth aches...=)
Reached home at 7.20pm. Didn't feel like going home actually but i had to pee...muahhax


And yes its not what i think it is. What i'm thinking right now is that it is just another reason for me to hate you. And for that, THANK YOU!!(Salutation)
I'm sure you had FUN laughing!! Laugh more until you vomit blood!!!
At least i didn't occupy your mind at that point of time when you were laughing and heck GOD knows who she is!!!
You just have no idea what i'm feeling right now do you??
I wished i had took a knife and stab you in the heart right in the beginning!!!!!!!!!

Perfections Through Silence

Things will be perfect if you just keep quiet...
i took a mind picture-frame just now and it wont go off.
I've got to distract myself and not think of it.
I'm happier that way. be happy. be happy. be happy.

.PERFECT DENIAL.
.BEAUTIFUL LIE.

Must tell myself not to be sad. keep denying. keep denying. dont think about it. dont think about it. dont think about it. dont think about it. deny. deny. deny. let the past lie in peace. let the past lie in peace.



I salute you lah bro!!!
lalalala.....rumours to spoil my moonlight.


Keputusan yang dibuat tanpa kata sepakat.
Di manakah keadilan?
Berakhirnya satu percintaan, bermulanya pertalian persaudaraan.
Apakah ia masuk akal?
Tatkala, Cinta itu Buta.
Cinta, butakan hati ku.
Kali terakhir, akan aku ucapkan padamu.
Pergi dan jangan pernah hampiri ku lagi.


Have always knew this was coming.
You played the others, why wouldn't you played me?

LISTEN TO MY BEAT =)

Dont shoot me SANTA!! I promise i'll study later...

Hmmph...whats wrong with me?? I'm unable to find the answers for it.
Today was English. Tomorrow is Social Studies and Maths Paper 1.
Ain't i suppose to open books??
Since Maths we have been doing revisions, so i should pay more attention to Social Studies.

English Paper 1 was a freaking one. I keep changing questions... Then i made a VERY VERY Silly mistake: chose the wrong question!! I chose qs 4 instead of qs 2. haaisshh.. Qs 2 was much more easier to answer...

Pay attention to this, music influences how i behave.
So yeaapps lately, i've been listening to all kinds of musics... They just pop out from my head out of nowhere.

So maybe i'm out of my head.

Calm and steady. Breathe in and out... Smack your MF face!!
Whats wrong with you?? Its not like i raped your mother that you have to find fault with me.. believe it or not i said this to a friend...ohwhoaahh...bad girl.


I've got photos from NDP at Chong Pang. But blogger...haiyaah!!

Dont shoot Me Santa by The Killers

Don't Shoot Me Santa By The Killers
'''Brandon:'''
Oh Santa,
I've been waiting on you.

'''Santa:'''
That's funny kid,
Because I've been coming for you.

'''Brandon:'''
Oh Santa,
I've been killing just for fun.

'''Santa:'''
Well the party's over kid,
Because I...
Because I got a bullet in my gun!

'''Brandon:'''
A bullet in your what?!?!

''(Santa's got a bullet in his gun, (You know it), Santa's got a bullet in his gun)''

Don't shoot me Santa Claus
I've been a clean living boy, I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can't believe the things I'm going through

Don't shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn't let them off that easy

Oh Santa
It's been a real hard year

''(Year)''

'''Santa:'''
There just ain't no getting around this
Life is hard
But look at me, I turned out alright

'''Brandon'''
Hey Santa
Why don't we talk about it?
Work it out

'''Santa'''
Believe me this ain't what I wanted
I love all you kids
You know that.. hell
I remember when you were just 10 years old
Playing out there in the desert
Just waiting for a sip of that sweet Mojave rain

''(In the sweet Mojave rain, the boy was on his own)''

'''Brandon'''
Don't shoot me Santa Claus
I've been a clean living boy,
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can't believe the things I'm going through

Hey Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn't let them off that easy

They had it coming
So why can't you see?
I couldn't turn my cheek no longer
The sun is going down
And Christmas is near
Just look the other way
And I'll disappear forever

(Woah!)

Don't shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the street they tease me
I couldn't let them off that easy

Believe me, Santa
''(Santa)''

Friend or Foe

The distinct line that divides friend and foe are forming right infront of my eye.
I'm astonished. You bloody BITCH!!

Its The 1st August!!! ;\

It spells 'N' Level Prelims and of course 'N' Level itself!!!
I'm freaking out like hell!!
OMG!! I need to start the engine running!!

So anyhow, anyway, anywhere morning waky waky...
Suppose to meet Rosma in school at 8...
Both our prepaid hit ZERO!!
Communication X
Rosma pandai...overslept huhhs
Me?? Delayed because i forgot where i placed my NCO tee. Clever of me??
But with determination and perseverance i finally found it. YEEHAA!! In my coat cover..=)
I shall not say what our purpose of going to school, because i think its very stupid and idiotic of us.
Ended up sitting at the bench for hours chit-chatting.
Waited for Priya...
Then saw Sec 3s reach already and so we went off for Hougang Point ate at McD.
Then groups of noisy makers came in and spoilt my appetite, melted their ice creams and so on, so we left for a more quieter environment.
Napped for a few while, studied. But i slept more than study.
Priya who was suppose to went home at 1 in the end went back at 3+...hahax
At 3, every little sleepy heads headed for their respective homes.
Me...
Dead tired.

And SORRY i cant reply your messages.
When you were eating did you remember me here, because im hungry.. =(

Tomorrow, tagging with mummy and sister for kenduri too!
Then to Chong Pang.
I dread the thought of going there in baju kurong...